Back to fiction
I've done such a post before, though I'm too lazy to look for it and provide a link. Actually, I've probably done a few posts like it--I forgot. But basically, I thought I'd given up writing fiction forever. Yes, I've said it before--I wanted to give up, didn't know what the point was, blah blah. But I *really* thought I was never going to do it again. I mean, what was the point? I could write into oblivion and no one could care less. I even took a chance and submitted an excerpt of something to a literary publication that's not even high-brow, and it didn't even get published in that! So I concluded that I suck, and there's no point in trying.
The last time I wrote anything was for Nanowrimo, which I "won" (proof above) and I had a great time. But then I got into the radio biz and have been doing so much there, I thought my creative output was satisfied.
But it wasn't. A week ago, after I'd finished doing an event, I really felt a need to quiet down, be alone, and write fiction again. Last year I was working on a chick lit book set in Chicago and Brazil, but I ran out of steam because of self-doubt, frustration, and feeling like a phony. My heart wasn't in it--I was just going through the motions to crank out a story, but I hated myself for being so fake. But now that 2006 has provided more interesting experiences, I felt that I could delve into some bizarre feelings I've had to provide another dimension to the chick lit story.
So yesterday I sat down for the first time in four months and wrote and wrote and wrote. And I did the same this morning, and will continue tonight. In fact, I'm motivated to get back into my writing routine, which used to be practically every day in the morning, in a cafe nearby. Now that I'm working in the 'burbs a few times a week, I've even found a cafe up there to go to. Even though I took what I thought would be a permanent break, I feel as if I'd never dropped the ball--I guess I was racking up insights and experiences that I can channel into fiction.
Okay, I might still not get an agent, but at this point, I can't help but write because I love doing it, and even a hundred rejections won't take that feeling away. :)
Well, if I do get tons of rejections, I hope I still feel that way. :(