When the grass is greener

It's funny: when I don't have much downtime, I want to write (fiction), but when I *do* have time, I don't want to start writing. Once I get started, it's great, but it's hard to get into that mode. I think it's because there's no one out there waiting for it. So if I don't write, the only person who will be disappointed is me. And what's the big deal? I can do something else that will make up for that disappointment.

I still think that writing fiction without any hopes of anyone in the Publishing Industrial Complex (PIC) looking at it is like writing in a vacuum, echoing in a cave, clapping with one hand. I might have a contact, but it's not like they've asked for my stuff. So that means that I have to make it as perfect as possible to get rejected.

It shouldn't matter, but it does. And now that Nanowrimo is over, there's no deadline to meet. Actually, I often create my own deadlines and goals which are good motivators, but they're not public things. So it's like, "I'm going on this trek, and I don't know if I'm going to get back, but have a nice day."

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