I'm not a loner

A few days ago, I had the best day because I interacted with cool people all day. First, I went to an online writing group with friendly people. Then I went to an online training by someone who works with people, who actually likes people (which I've written about before): he always starts the meetings by acknowledging every person in the "room," then as he lectures, he often pauses for questions and comments, and looks at the chat as well. He speaks in a warm, knowledgeable, communicative way; even though it's online, I feel like I'm in a supportive offline environment. 

Then, after I texted back and forth with a coworker/friend of mine, we ended up having an hour-plus phone call. She's one of those rare people who not only likes people, but helps people and is honest; she's a sincere, accepting person, sans superficiality. After that, a friend from the online writing group told me that she was dining at a restaurant across the street, so we went out for coffee in an upscale milieu on the Mag Mile and talked for a while. When she caught her bus back home, I walked through the Gold Coast and called another friend, who I talked to for over an hour. He also gave me some really good advice for my livestream. I had a pretty weird/toxic conversation with someone that night, but it was offset by having a drink with yet another friend at a place in River North, where we met the manager of a steak restaurant that we're definitely going to try out; she even told us to contact her before we go.

So the day was fantastic, and for an extrovert like me, all days should be like this. This is what energizes people with my personality type, rather than sitting silently in front a computer. And I didn't just socialize, but I socialized with decent people who like people. That's the key. (The reason why I'm mentioning extroversion is because I've written about faking introversion before, and how the world seems to be constructed for introverts.) 

So what does this all have to do with the title? Well I've obviously demonstrated that I am not a loner, but also, this is in response to a belittling person I met at a baby shower a while ago. When I think of people who are on the level, I contrast it with people who aren't. And I had such an experience at that baby shower. I knew no one but the expectant mother, so no matter where I sat, I had to strike up a conversation, or else I'd sit there in silence. I was kicked out of the family table, even though I'd been talking to the grandmother, so I went to another table, where I sat next to a religious, smug woman who spoke disparagingly about the people there with her daughter, in addition to gossiping about people who weren't there.

I made huge mistake that has been a cautionary tale ever since. I talked to her because I'm not introverted, thinking that she'd be cool or at least gracious since she was proud of being religious, and what I got were questions and accusations about my lifestyle. I was also going through some heavy stuff due to grief and increased responsibilities, so my life wasn't all happy and social and busy according to a church-lady's expectations. She was appalled that I didn't have kids, and I think she had 5, and had already moved from the city to the burbs. For some reason, I felt like I wanted to keep talking to her, because, again, I'm not a wallflower, but I should've just changed tables, because it never got any better. We were talking about other stuff, and then she said reproachingly, "So you're a loner." I was like, no, but she didn't believe me, so I assumed it probably appeared that way to her because I didn't have her kind of lifestyle. She was so judgmental and not encouraging, even after I told her about the loss I'd experienced, I felt even more deflated, but I didn't want to tell her off or be rude; I just concluded that she is into righteousness by appearance only.

But I'm not making the assumption that religiosity leads to ostracism. I had an incredible conversation today with a religious person that lasted for more than a couple of hours, where we had downtime while volunteering. Today's person clearly likes people and connecting with people. The other person doesn't. So it matters. Just filling time with people doesn't.

What FOMO was like before the Internet

On Saturday night, I had no plans, but I didn't care. I went out the day and night before, which was fine. Then I had an in-person meeting yesterday, so I got enough social interaction over the weekend. Maybe I would've wanted more in the past, but it was enough for me. It's gotten easier for me, but for for some people, not going out is rough. And it's made worse during the digital age; people get FOMO if they see pictures and reels on social media. But before the Internet, it wasn't the same.

The analog version of FOMO happened if you heard about people doing things, or they told you about it, or you talked on the phone about it. Or you could get FOMO by just sitting around, imagining what other people were doing. They could be doing nothing just like you, but if you perceived that they were out somewhere without you, then you could get FOMO. Teens could spiral in their own way and worry about it, but they could get distracted or talk to a friend on the phone (talking into a handset that was connected to a wall via a cord), or do something to get their mind off it. There were lots of things to do, and no one else had the means to show you what they were doing, so you couldn't compare yourself. 

It must be really tough for teens when they see pictures and videos of other people having fun. Even professionals get envious and question their own lifestyles when they look at LinkedIn, or see posts on Instagram and Fakebook. People cope by coming up with strategies to stay away from social media, or they try to stay strong as they scroll. BI (Before the Internet), there was less neuroticism about what other people were doing, and the world wasn't magnified around you. 

AI: outsourcing your brain

I've noticed that AI can be helpful as an interactive journal or for kicking around ideas. But it can also be a way to outsource your brain.

For instance, if I'm "discussing" something with it (via text; so far, I haven't spoken to it), it will say something like, "Do you want me to write an email for you that would work in this situation?" or "Do you want me to create an outline?" or "Do you want me to write [something substantial and/or creative]?" etc. I always say no because I basically know how to write. If I don't know how to write something (such as a compelling fictional scene), I'm willing to work it out, i.e., stretch my brain to try to figure it out. Using my own brain is challenging but satisfying because I am generating the ideas, and there's a breakthrough feeling that comes after the struggle. It's like feeling better after exercising. 

Sometimes AI will offer to edit something I've already written; it tells me that I can upload a file or paste in text, and it will review and correct it, and rewrite sections. Even though people say AI can mimic our writing style, I've noticed its writing voice sounds sort of flat. Someone even did an AI text-generating experiment on my writing, but it didn't sound like me. I can see AI's clichéd sentences all over the Internet, such as "I hope this email finds you well," or "I'm seeking a new role and would appreciate your support. If you hear of any opportunities or just want to catch up, please send me a message or comment below. I'd love to reconnect." I've also seen lists in online posts, punctuated with emojis and pictograms instead of bullet points or even just narrative paragraphs, which I suspect were generated via AI because it has generated those for me when I asked it a question about something.

If I were to say yes to AI, it would generate a lot of text for me and basically anything else I need. If I were to do research only using AI, it would create "facts" for me, sounding confident even if the facts were synthesized by fantasy. But it's that confidence that dupes people into thinking it's true. Fact checking requires an active brain, but what people have done is outsource to AI to do their work, as a real-life assistant would. There are famous people who trusted their assistants' flawed work instead of checking it, but AI is making it even easier to not engage at all; just a push of a button or a simple "ok" will launch a lot of automated work while you make coffee in the kitchen.

When I ask AI a question and it generates an answer, I ask, "Why do you think that?" or "What is that based on?" Then it will explain itself or provide links. Also, if I want to know some information about something, and the links aren't that great or the information seems odd, I will do my own search online then tell it what I've discovered. Then it will say something like, "Yes, that's right; such-and-such place closed three months ago," and give me different links and updated information. But the update was instigated by me, and AI confirmed. 

It can make you avoid thinking by just generating a bunch of stuff while "conversing" with you, and when it asks something like, "Do you want me to..." offering to organize your thoughts in an essay or outline or blog post or whatever, you can say "yes," and then it launches into a bunch of stuff that you are able to do yourself, if you put forth the intellectual effort. I'm not saying that it comes up with everything you would think, but it allows you to skip the thinking process. Students who use it think they're bypassing the system, but engaging the brain to do assignments helps with growth and skills, and there will be future situations where spontaneous critical thinking is necessary. It's not just about getting work done but adding experience and insight as life continues.

And AI can help someone avoid reading. I can understand if people have to wade through a lot of information and want to use AI to help them get the gist of various articles, especially when the articles bury the lede. But AI is also a way for people to outsource their reading, like a 21st-century Cliff Notes. Engaging with a text requires brain power, and if people only use AI to read something, they might not even get the accurate meaning of the text, especially if they don't analyze what is written. Or they won't develop their own take on a reading, thus their thinking will be flattened and conformist. Depending only on AI, such as for reading texts and writing papers for school, for instance, can lead to complications later on when someone has to be successfully analytical for a job, or if they just want to have a brain that uniquely interacts with the world.

I'm not saying AI is useless or has a default cheating mode. I've used it to clarify ideas and thoughts, and it's given me good advice. One time I was asking AI for advice on making an effective presentation, and it sounded convincing, but I kept questioning it just in case. Turns out it did give me good advice, so I appreciated its insight. It's also created unique phrases and concepts I haven't found anywhere else, which is interesting to see in the absence of a coworker or co-creator. 

btw--I just pasted this post into ChatGPT, and when it responded, "If you’d like, I can rewrite this as a tightened, publication-ready piece while keeping your voice intact so it flows more like an essay you’d see in The Atlantic or Wired. That way it keeps your originality but removes excess repetition," I said "ok." The revision is came up with doesn't sound like me anymore, the voice you've seen for 20 years here. I might sound flawed and repetitive, but at least what you're reading is really me, not online filler.

p.s. the e-book version of my debut novel is still at Amazon, and the price for the print version has been reduced: buy at the Eckhartz Press site.

What I've been doing since finishing six Duolingo courses

My Duolingo subscription has ended, and I won't be renewing it. At first when I finished six courses a few months ago, I was doing the German refresh exercises. Then I realized I was tired of playing that game, so I started reading more foreign-language sources and watching Easy German, Easy French, and Easy Spanish. 

I also spend time practically every day looking at headlines on Twitter and translating the ones that I understand or am interested in. News in other languages is really hard, even just the headlines. Sometimes I will look at a German headline, for instance, and will perhaps understand the first couple of words, then it will all break down as I continue. I keep reading German like I would read a Romance language. But German puts their infinitives at the end or they split them, and they also don't use prepositions and possessives like the Romance languages do. So as my eye follows along, my mind gets stuck. But yesterday, I managed to translate some German, in addition to Italian, French, Spanish, Portuguese, and Japanese tweets.

I also finished writing a draft of a novella. I started on June 1 and finished it on July 11. I was ready to start revising it right away, but then stepped back, realizing that I should restructure the story, so I'm currently doing that. 

I'm continuing to take a French class at the Alliance Française; I started last year, and it is fantastic. The teacher is highly trained and is a native French and English speaker who was born here but grew up in France, so we learn the language as well as the culture. I've realized that it's very important to not only learn the correct words and grammar, but to learn about the country as well. It makes the class more interesting and I'm motivated to find out more about France, where I've never been. Sometimes I look at my brother's old French college textbook to brush up on grammar and language structure, and of course, I have a long way to go. I think I'm going to try to go to France next year to study for a couple of weeks and travel, which I'm doing next month in Germany via Easy German. 

Unfortunately, my book-reading is down; I made the mistake of reading a few books at once, and each is very long, so I haven't finished any of them yet. So I'm concentrating on finishing one before my Germany trip. I've also been watching documentaries and British shows, watching NHK shows, and enjoying life outside of Duolingo. 

Duolingo got me back into intense language-learning, and I haven't stopped. I feel like I'm where I was years ago in the early days of this blog, when my life was more language-focused. This is probably one of the best years of my life.

p.s. the e-book version of my debut novel is still at Amazon, and the price for the print version has been reduced: buy at the Eckhartz Press site.

Work-life balance as a screener

A while ago, I applied for a job that I was totally qualified for. But the first part of the online application had a list of words and phrases that we had to click. The question was: "What words describe you, and what's important to you?" This was their way of screening, like lawyers trying to choose a jury. Who knows what that organization was searching for; I felt like whatever I answered would be wrong, and I didn't make it past that initial online application anyway.

The phrase that stuck out to me was "work-life balance is important." By clicking that and some other related words, it would paint a picture, and the decision-makers could decide if they want to talk to the applicant. I felt like clicking incongruous words to confuse them, but I predictably clicked certain words that probably gave my intensity away. Maybe it signaled my age or something else, like I was too serious, not ready to laugh at a silly joke at the water cooler.

All the phrases seemed trite, like the organization was trying to put people into categories and slots based on their answers: "Oh, this applicant clicked these words; that means they're such-and-such age, they'll aware, they're sensitive, they need meaning," etc. 

I walk by that organization often (I live nearby, and thought that would be a selling point, but they didn't care), and sometimes I want to ask someone coming out of there what the deal is. Did they hire someone for the role? What kinds of people are they looking for? Why do they ask such questions? Do applicants have to create a brand in order to be accepted, then have to maintain it once they're hired? What if they understand the organization's game, play it well, then get in and feel stressed that they have to keep pretending?

Since work-life balance has been a trend in recent years, maybe that organization is screening people based on that, determining that if anyone clicks that phrase, they're "current" and "modern." The organization has lots of buzzwords on their website, so it seems like it's trying to appear hip.

Here's my work-life balance: I want work that is honest, in a place that is healthy and drama-free. Then my life will be more balanced.

p.s. the e-book version of my debut novel is still at Amazon, and the price for the print version has been reduced: buy at the Eckhartz Press site.

Real Artists Ship

Now that I have more time to write and maintain this blog after not deleting it for 20 years, I've been thinking about what it means to create something when no one is waiting. It's July 1st, and I no longer have to write to deadlines nor for anyone anymore. Maybe I'll go back to professional writing, and I wouldn't mind it, but this is the first time in many years that I'm not in it. 

So now I've been wondering what's motivating me. I've been so used to external validation or expectations or just being part of a team, that I was motivated by some kind of structure. But without that established structure, what is left?

I've been thinking a lot, questioning, and came upon this fantastic quote from Steve Jobs: "Real artists ship." Since I'm not creating anything for consumers, I have nothing to ship. So the shipping becomes posting. Real writers post, even when there's no one waiting for it.

p.s. the e-book version of my debut novel is still at Amazon, and the price for the print version has been reduced: buy at the Eckhartz Press site.

I don't use AI to write this blog

I've had this blog for 20 years, and even though we now have AI technology to write content, I'm not using it to write this blog. 

The reason why I mention this now is because the Chicago Sun-Times used AI for content, which created fake information, which wasn't even checked. That's journalism 101: you're supposed to check your sources and verify content. It's something that is supposed to be taught in school as well, though it seems various academics have gotten away with plagiarism and fake data. 

Yesterday, someone said that another person told them to use AI to write an article/blog post (forgot which one, but it was supposed to be original content), and another writer was told to use AI to work out some writing issues for original creative content. I can see using AI to bounce off ideas, but to write content? People are flooding the internet with content, and they don't care how it's being produced; they want clicks and clients. I see various posts on LinkedIn that sound similar or generic, especially when someone is looking for work. It's the same exact message (I won't quote it here, but I'm sure you've seen it). Such people can't manage to write just a few sentences on their own? I wonder what hiring managers think when they see that.

I'm not saying AI is horrible. I sometimes use it as an interactive journal or to ask it language questions (such as the use of "le" as an indirect object pronoun in Spanish). I don't use it for research or to write my content. And I definitely didn't use it for the novel I wrote. Writing that book was so much work, and it was really draining because I had to become a character to get inside her feelings. It was like acting, but I had to use words to convey the thoughts and actions of the character. It's very difficult to build something from words. You have to convey so much without images, and hope that the reader constructs effective images to understand the characters and story. I also had to structure the book to keep the plot moving. It took a lot of time and rewrites. I wrote during work breaks, at home, at coffee shops, at an office. It was so all-consuming that I don't even know if I can do it again (plus I haven't had public success, which is disappointing). Sometimes I think that people who haven't written from scratch are quick to judge and don't understand the intense effort it takes to complete something. I wish I had the public approval as a "reward," but I just have to pat myself on the back for just getting it out there.

p.s. the e-book version of my debut novel is still at Amazon, and the price for the print version has been reduced: buy at the Eckhartz Press site.

I finished the French, Italian, and Spanish Duolingo courses!

When I started this post, I had finished the French Duolingo course. 

Then I saw that I was making good progress on the Italian one, so I finished that as well.

Then I decided to finish the Spanish course, and made my goal Easter because it's a public date. I had done the same thing with Japanese and Portuguese last year; I finished Easter night. This year Easter was Sunday, and I finished the Spanish by Thursday. By that time, I was so tired from doing all those lessons and tests in my free time, I relaxed for a bit. 

This is what it looks like when you reach the end: the owl is reading, and when you finish the Daily Refresh, the owl cheers (as pictured above). 

But the app doesn't. Duolingo doesn't have any congratulatory message when you finish because I suspect they don't want you to, which is why I attempted to go past the finish line. What was frustrating was that for the past couple of years, I was making progress on a language course, then Duolingo would add more lessons, extending the paths. Then when I made more progress, they'd add more. Since they kept changing the goalposts, I decided to change mine and play to win.

At this point, all six languages I've finished are on Daily Refresh, and it resets every day. I decided to stick with German until my subscription ends; I'm going to Germany in late summer, so I really need to improve. I was so focused on finishing that I neglected other German sources; now I will spend more time there before my trip. 

Here's what it looks like when you reach the end of Japanese, Portuguese, Spanish, Italian, French, and German. The gold color is when you do the extra challenges at the end, but they're all on Daily Refresh at this point. Remember: Duolingo probably doesn't want you to finish, but don't let it discourage you from trying.

Not working in a toxic workplace makes a huge difference

I was talking to someone who still works in a toxic workplace, and I've talked to other people who've left such places. If you feel awful even though you do a good job, read the book The As$hole Survival Guide for tips. Basically, you shouldn't work in toxic workplaces, but if you love what you do and want to stay, or if you have to stay for financial reasons, the book has tips. But expert Robert Sutton still says to leave because it will hurt and worsen you.

This is what a healthy workplace is like: 

Your questions are answered and you can get help if needed. You're positively recognized for the good work that you do. You are spoken to respectfully. No one is going behind your back to ruin your reputation, and there are no Mean Girl cliques (that can also include guys). No one yells at you, makes fun of you, belittles you, lies about you, or puts things in your way to trip you up. You are paid fairly. You only have to focus on the challenges of your job, not sharks. You feel good when you leave and can easily enter the other part of your life. You see a future and feel good about the present.

This is what a toxic place is like:

People make fun of you for caring about your job, caring about details, caring about ethics, being responsive, being passionate, being intellectually curious, expressing concern. People yell at you every day and management says "that's how they are." People favor others while ostracizing you. You don't get paid what you should, while new hires with not much experience get paid more. Laziness is overlooked and/or rewarded. You are not judged on the content of your character or the quality of your work. You have to focus on getting your work done, plus navigate the harmful environment, so you're always stressed. You're belittled, dismissed, told to lie, told to forget, told what you saw is not actually what you saw. Competency is punished and integrity is mocked. Everyone complains about every little thing, even if they're paid well. People "work at home" and aren't monitored or held accountable. No one trusts anyone, and there's an air of paranoia and anger. People get ahead based on how they look, even if they're lazy, liars, incompetent, or inexperienced. 

In education, if a student lies about you and management believes the student and doesn't care about your side of the story, you're in a toxic school. If a principal tells you to change your grading curve so that a percentage of students will pass, or you're supposed to pass students who actually failed, it won't get any better; find another school. Same goes for a school that makes you give students answers to tests. If a school doesn't respect you as a teacher and forces you to comply to their corruption, you will suffer. Take care of yourself; find a school that deserves you and doesn't lie.

In business, if people come in late, leave early, do outside work on company time, goof off, and all of that is recorded via video cameras and punch-in software, but you get in trouble and they don't, it's a toxic company. Toxic workplaces can use that tech against you if they don't like you; they can show you the data to build a case against you.

No wonder people want to "work at home." They can work wherever they want and to the extent they want, and not be held to the same standards as those who have to physically show up. They can even use a VPN to hide where they really are, and simultaneously work at another job, hobby, shopping, gaming.

I currently do not work in toxic places. If you do and always feel horrible, get a plan and get out. (I'll keep updating this post as I continue to talk to people.)

I finished the German Duolingo course!

I didn't post anything about this publicly, but I had a goal to finish the German Duolingo course by May. But then I decided to use my downtime to finish it by the end of March. Then I ramped it up and wanted to finish it by Sunday night. I did all the sections by midnight Sunday and posted the accomplishment on Twitter/X, but wanted to get a good screenshot of the Daily Refresh section to post here, so I just redid that section to get this:

This doesn't mean I'm done studying German; I have a long way to go, and now my goal is to get even better by August because I'm going to Berlin to study for a couple of weeks with Easy German. I will do a separate post about that, but I'm very excited to go to Germany. I haven't been there in several years, and back then my German was horrible.

Easy German is fantastic

I was trying to figure out a good way to study German, and saw someone online mention Easy German. Usually I use something for free before paying for it, but I knew right away it was worth the subscription price. 

I don't like using flash cards. In the past, I created them for various languages, and a while ago, a Japanese teacher gave me a bunch of them, which I still have. Flashcards work for a lot of people, but they seem too isolated for me. I like to learn words in context, and I've even gotten to the point that I won't even try to learn all the grammar at first in order to get a feeling for a language. 

That's why I love Easy German. They have a lot of videos where they ask people questions, so we get to hear native speakers, and they add German and English subtitles for each video. Other videos feature slower German, explanations in German, and recaps of meetings or trips they've taken. They also send transcripts, vocabulary, and other exercises with the paid subscriptions, so the $60 price is worth it. At first, I went to the members-only Discord, but it seemed too difficult for me, and I'd rather spend more time offline than on.

I got a chance to meet the three main members of the Easy German team, and they were the same offline as they are in the videos, which made me appreciate them even more. I've seen various language-learning videos where the hosts seem pretty hyper, like they're trying to sell something, but Easy German keeps it real (unlike the phony author/speaker I met a while ago who was quite unfriendly offline and didn't seem to actually like people). 

I've also watched Easy Spanish, Easy Italian, and Easy French. They're all good ways to hear the language naturally while following along via the subtitles.

But I still have to learn the grammar. Right now, I'm struggling with German prepositions and split verbs, so I need to grow up and tackle those and more.

para isn't the same in English

I've noticed that Spanish speakers use "for" often, and I've realized that it probably comes from the use of "para." 

For example: "Estudio para aprender" is "I study to learn" in English, but some people say "I study for to learn" or "I study for learn." I think it's because people are directly translating "para aprender" literally. 

Spanish infinitives are always one word that is conjugated (-ar, -er, -ir), but English infinitives are "to" plus the base verb. So instead of transferring the concept from Spanish into English, drop it and think in English.

At home

I've decided to post some English tips here since I've been teaching ESL a lot more, and I encounter similar issues in pretty much every class.

Here's a common phrase I hear:

"On Saturday, I stayed in my house."

This means that you are literally inside the house, instead of outside the house; you're saying that you are in an enclosed physical space. 

Instead, you have to use "at" instead of "in" because it's an activity at a location. 

"On Saturday, I stayed at home."

This person is inside a house (as opposed to outside the house).