John Deaver

From the Chicago Tribune:

John W. Deaver
1953 - 2006

In free time, attorney was a novelist, actor, musician

By Joan Giangrasse Kates
Special to the Tribune
Published July 6, 2006

After being diagnosed with cancer last month, attorney John W. Deaver sent an e-mail thanking co-workers for their support and expressing the optimism and confidence they'd come to expect of him over the last two years.

"He told them that God willing, he'd be back in the office soon, and that never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he'd have such a wonderful job or that he'd find so much happiness in life," recalled his wife of three years, Barbara. "He'd just found out he had cancer, and yet he still felt so fortunate."

For nearly two years, Mr. Deaver also was an active member of the Steel Beam Theater in St. Charles, where he had played bit parts in its past four productions.

"John was one of the kindest, gentlest people I've ever known," said Donna Steele, the artistic director of the Steel Beam Theater. "He was intelligent and creative. He was also an endearing character, the type of person you rarely meet in life but are certain you'll never forget."

Mr. Deaver, 53, of West Chicago, a litigation attorney for CNA Insurance in Chicago, died Monday, July 3, in his home following a recent surgery.

Born in Wilmington, Del., Mr. Deaver grew up in St. Louis, where he received both a bachelor and law degree from Washington University. He also took graduate courses at the University of California, Los Angeles, and Oxford University in England.

For many years, Mr. Deaver was a freelance legal auditor in St. Louis before joining the legal staff at the downtown headquarters of CNA Insurance in Chicago about two years ago.

"John was the antithesis of many attorneys," said colleague David Dong, the director of legal services at CNA. "He had not a jaded bone in his body and never came to work for the almighty dollar. He'd get frustrated and angered by any injustice he saw in the legal system."

At the Steel Beam Theater, Mr. Deaver performed in productions of "Amadeus," "Christmas Story," "Jekyll & Hyde" and "Our Town."

"He had really grown as an actor over the past several months," said Steele. "No matter how challenging the role, he was always willing to jump in with both feet."

In recent years, Mr. Deaver had written many short stories and a suspense novel. He had also taught himself how to play everything from Beethoven and Bach to Pink Floyd on guitar.

"He was always busy burning the candle at both ends, but he loved every minute," said his wife.

Other survivors include his mother, Irene; a sister, Janet Smith; two stepsons, Ervin Gockley and Will Gockley; two stepdaughters, Marianne Bellot and Malinda Gockley; and seven stepgrandchildren.

Writing contest

There's a writing contest in memory of my Metrofiction pal John Deaver, who passed away last year. Here's some of the info from an article that came out last week:

Since Steel Beam is once again producing "A Christmas Story," the board of directors wishes to honor the memory of John Deaver by creating a writing contest in his name: The John Deaver "A Christmas Story" Short Story/Memoir Contest.

Organizers are looking for your best literary short stories or memoirs about the winter holidays (Christmas, Kwanza, Hannukah, etc.) Winners will receive a cash honorarium, publication in a booklet printed by Steel Beam Theatre, five copies of the booklet, two complimentary tickets to "A Christmas Story" and the chance to read their story during a Steel Beam Theatre performance Nov. 23 to Dec. 23.

All stories should be no longer than the maximum length set forth below, and must be received by Nov. 1. Winners will be notified on or about Nov. 15.

You may submit your manuscript at www.SteelBeamTheatre.com, or a double-spaced, typewritten copy may be sent to Steel Beam Theatre, 111 W. Main Street, St. Charles, IL 60174.

Include the following information in the upper left hand corner: Division, Name, Address, Telephone numbers, e-mail address and word count.

Adults' word limit is 2,500 and the prize would be $100.

High school students' word limit is 2,000 and prize is $100.

Kids in grades 7/8 have a word limit of 500 and prize of $75. Grades 5/6 have a limit of 250 words and prize of $ 50. Grades 3/4 have a word limit of 100 and prize of $25.

All the info is here.

Actually, I did a post here about John's involvement with the Christmas Story a couple of years ago.

Metrofiction is back

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you've probably seen me mention the Metrofiction site, which was originally created a decade ago. John Deaver (who passed away in 2006), John Banas, MM Plude, and I met in a fiction writing class and formed a writing group. I decided to set up a website for the group, and called it Metrofiction since we all took the writing class in the city and I'd been living in the city for several years.

When the site was established, popular blogger Arthur Chrenkoff contacted me from Australia to find out about submitting a story. After his story was posted, he ended up getting his novel published!

I took the site down for a few years because I was getting more involved with radio and my podcast (which also meant I didn't post here as much), but decided to resurrect it because I'm working more in the language world again.

I also included John Deaver's story that he submitted to the original site. I wish he was still here!

Namesake

John Deaver sent me an email with the following information about the meaning of "namesake," which I'm assuming is from a Random House site:

The usual use of the word namesake is 'a person named for another', so that the second name-holder, rather than the original name-holder, is the namesake. So usually George W. Bush would be the namesake of George H.W. Bush, but not usually the other way around. Many dictionaries list this as the only sense of the word, and it's probably the one you should stick with.

However, there do exist examples of namesake referring to the original owner of the name rather than the name-borrower. Joseph Addison, writing in The Spectator in 1712, referred to a reader who "Subscribes herself Xantippe, and tells me, that she follows the Example of her Name-sake" (Xantippe was Socrates's wife, an allusion that would have been easily understood at the time).

This would seem to be a recipe for guaranteed confusion, though the problem is not much mentioned in usage guides. Perhaps it just doesn't matter very much.

The word namesake is first recorded in the mid-seventeenth century. It derives from the phrase (one's) name's sake.

I'm assuming Deaver sent it to me because he found a report of someone with the same name as mine. It's one of those nerdy moments that sometimes pops up in an otherwise bland workday.

Deaver survives

Last night I went to see John Deaver in A Christmas Story at the Steel Beam Theater (which is in St. Charles, one of my favorite towns in Chicagoland). He plays Ralph, the narrator, who spends the entire show talking and talking and talking (which makes me wonder if the playright was too lazy to try showing more than telling so much).

So John had to memorize thousands of words--well over 6000. It's as if he had to recite an entire book. I don't know how he was able to do that, and I let him know that I was impressed. This was his reply:

My greatest fear is that someday thirty years from now I'll be a senile old fart sitting in the nursing home. Someone will play the song 'Here Comes Santa Claus' on the radio, I'll launch into my lines from 'A Christmas Story' and they won't be able to get me to stop until I have recited all 6,260 words. Of course, since there won't be anyone to provide the rest of the dialog, I probably won't be able to proceed unless someone feeds me my cues. I'll freeze up and go catatonic while waiting for Flick and Schwartz to say their lines.

Well, at least he survived and was able to remain funny.

How death changed my perspective

I've been thinking about this for years, especially since I seem to have experienced a lot over the past decade (I want to write about it all here, but instead I talk about it offline with sympathetic people).

In 2006, when John Deaver was diagnosed with cancer and passed away in less than a month, my view of friends and people I like changed forever. Before he was sick, I communicated with him usually via email, but I always assumed he'd be around. So I took him for granted. That's not unusual; there are a lot of people in our lives who we expect to live for a while because they're not elderly and aren't ill. But surprisingly, he had advanced colon cancer which spread to his brain, and his life was cut short.

After that, when I would meet someone I like, I would make an effort to stay in touch and would compliment them and let them know about the positive feelings I felt. I didn't do that with John. I remember when he'd just had brain surgery, and he could barely talk. He seemed like a content child. I shared how I felt, but I knew time was running out. Since then, I'd be sure to be honest with people and try to encourage them. I also realized that the relationships we have should be valued. That means I want to connect with others in a real way and not waste time on trivialities or tiresome games.

I think some people think I'm weird. That's probably because they haven't experienced such an awakening. So as I've become more sensitive, honest, and wanting to realistically connect, many people have not. They're on their own tracks, pursuing what they want. I used to be the same way; I had my tasks and goals, and I went about trying to get them done. I'd see people along the way, but I didn't really consider their worth.

What's resulted is a frequent analysis of how people, especially Americans (since I'm American and have been in the US most of my life), relate to others. We are in a country where we can pretty much live how we want. We can pursue our dreams, meet lots of people, and travel on our own individual path. American life is fantastic in that way. There aren't many cultural rules that emerge from a long history; we're a young country and there is so much variety, we can pretty much shape our destinies. We can establish something in one city, make friends, join clubs, then move somewhere else and start again. Those friends we make are situational, and we might maintain contact on social media, but we don't really have to do much because new people can be found wherever we are.

I guess I was a typical American in that way. Since John's death, and the deaths of family and others over the years (and witnessing serious illnesses), I've realized that people really matter. I don't even know how to define a friend at this point because a lot people operate at a busy pace, getting their stuff done. If something were to seriously happen, who would show up? I've noticed people say kind things when something serious happens, but then they're back to their own grids.

I wonder if other people have noticed what I have, or what they think. Many people have written about social isolation, and that could be another post. But does the typical person think about their view of others' roles in life? Maybe death will make them think about it.

Gone

Well, less than three weeks after being diagnosed with cancer, John Deaver passed away last night. Someone told me that he had been feeling ill since the beginning of this year, but didn't go to the doctor until last month. So who knows what would have happened if he went to the doctor earlier.

The past couple of years, he really blossomed as he was involved in various activities and had a great job, so he lived life to the fullest. A lot of people will miss him.

Cancer

I am very sorry to say this, and I wish it wasn't true, but John Deaver has cancer. He is having surgery today. He is a successful, interesting, nice, and smart guy, and it's just such a shock. So if you know him or have read his stuff or have seen him in plays and musicals, then pray for him to make it through this trial.

After I met him in a writing class, he became a part of Metrofiction, which we formed over a year ago. I hadn't heard from him in a while, but when I last saw him in a play in St. Charles, he seemed fine. He's a busy guy and is productive intellectually as well as at work and in his various other activities.

He's also too young to suffer such ill health and leave this earth, so let's hope that he sticks around for many years to come.

Writing hope

John Deaver sent me this good advice from JA Konrath (aka Joe Konrath):

Hope is a Four Letter Word

I hear from a lot of unpublished writers--at least a dozen a week. I can break them down into two distinct groups.

Those that will get published, and those that won't get published.

The difference between the two doesn't come down to talent, or hard work, or luck.

The difference between the two is attitude.

The ones who will never get published, hope that they eventually will.

The ones who will get published, know that they eventually will.

If you want to be a member of any club, act like you already are a member. You can watch the party going on through the window and lament that you weren't invited, or you can figure out a way to get invited.

In short, to be a professional writer, you need to act like a professional writer, even though nobody is paying you yet.

Be confidant. Be bold. You aren't buying lottery tickets, you're choosing which people you'll allow to buy your product.

And here's the secret---no one is actually confidant. Everyone is faking it.

But if you fake it long enough, you begin to believe it. The more you act like a writer, the more you become a writer.

Once you take hope out of the equation, possibilities become eventualities.

Actually, his site is great. There's always something going on, and a lot of great writing advice there, and at his blog, too. He is one of the most grateful writers I've seen--he gives 100% to his creative pursuits and wants to help other people because he's achieved success after years of struggling.

Christmas activity

I was walking down Michigan Avenue and heard someone say, "I can't wait until Christmas is over. I'm so sick of this." He must've been experiencing advertising overload, in addition to the rest of the pre-Christmas frenzy. Isn't Christmas supposed to be a one-day holiday?

For those of you who have OD'd on Christmas, here's a little pun, which John Deaver sent me:

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to leave. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

And if you are interested in getting some Christmas-related ESL help, check out this site.