I might be back

I've been talking to some people about what's been going on creatively. When I started this blog, I had an outlet to express myself (social media didn't dominate), but then it led to paid work. All people had to do was an online search and find me, or I could show them what I was writing. So I got hired to write articles, blog posts, and even helped write a couple of books. None of it was under my name and I didn't care because I was being paid. 

Because I'm not an introvert, I tried to find people-oriented jobs but kept getting isolating ones. I even didn't pursue certain opportunities because I just wanted to be me and talk. Someone I'd written a lot for said I should teach writing, and they even said they'd help set me up because they had a lot of connections. I said no, which was probably not a good idea, because I didn't want to think it through or manage people, just write. 

And an even better idea that I passed on was writing a textbook. I was a writing instructor at a university, and a publisher's rep came to the school to talk about books. I asked if there was a book on business writing, and she said, "No...do you want to write one?" I said I wasn't qualified to write one, but wanted one for my class. I could've written it! I had already done a lot of business writing and could research what I didn't know. I could have interviewed lots of business pros to share their insight. I had an opportunity but was too insecure and modest to accept it. Now it is almost impossible to get published. But I don't regret that decision. 

I'd rather talk about what I really know than talk about something that's on my periphery, becoming an expert just through scaffolds, not through substance. I see that in various areas, which is probably made easier with social media.

Anyway, I was working at home so much (way before it was trendy) doing translation and writing and editing, that I needed to connect with the world, and decided to do it through this blog. Then I got busy with being paid for what I was doing, working in media and podcasting, which led to more gigs, until I was thinking a lot for other people instead of myself.

When I stepped back from the chaos, I couldn't write much creatively or introspectively, and I thought those days were over. Then I started thinking and noticing more, read about how people get ideas, and started thinking that it's okay to produce something that won't make money, get noticed, or get an award. It's okay to create without the payoff.

That's why I'm thinking, "I think I'm back," because I feel like I can do my own thing and not worry if "it matters."

p.s. the e-book version of my debut novel is still at Amazon, and the price for the print version has been reduced: buy at the Eckhartz Press site.