They're probably planning for a hit

There's a lot of news about the murder of the Yale student, and there's so much drama and frequent updates about it, I'm guessing that the publishing folks in New York and the TV/movie folks in Los Angeles are already writing or at least planning a story about it. They can probably see the potential of such a story, and would be dumb to not take advantage of it.

So I wonder how many professional story tellers are writing their treatment right now. How many studio execs or producers are doing a basic outline, just in case this murder case is resolved? And I'm sure someone will be able to write a book quickly just by using news reports to do the outline.

When some type of TV drama or book comes out, I'll just say I told you so.

Perplexing sentence

I was reading an article about working artists, and I saw this perplexing sentence about one of the artists who was lecturing about how to make a living doing art:

She has a glow about her, like someone who has seen enlightenment but turned away because she has a successful art career.

If she saw enlightenment but turned away, then why does she have a glow? There are other questions I have, but really, this is the type of sentence that is like art or a good novel: we can interpret different ways, because it's quite puzzling.

Universal computer language

I was wondering what non-English speakers (and other language speakers who don't use the same alphabet) do when they want to build websites. Well I found out that they use UTF-8:

UTF-8 encodes each character (code point) in 1 to 4 octets (8-bit bytes), with the single octet encoding used only for the 128 US-ASCII characters.

I have no idea what they're talking about. And the more detailed description is even more baffling:

The UTF-8 encoding is variable-width, ranging from 1-4 bytes. Each byte has 0-4 leading 1 bits followed by a zero bit to indicate its type. N 1 bits indicates the first byte in a N-byte sequence, with the exception that zero 1 bits indicates a one-byte sequence while one 1 bit indicates a continuation byte in a multi-byte sequence (this was done for ASCII compatability). The scalar value of the Unicode code point is the concatenation of the non-control bits.

Well here's something that's comprehensible, if your screen can display it all: a web page that has been "encoded directly in UTF-8", which explains why you might not be able to see some of the languages.

Anyway, it's pretty cool that people are able to program in a universal computer language. Too bad my brain isn't big enough to understand it :(

Congratulations Mary Beard

I just read that Mary Beard won the Wolfson History Prize, which is not only prestigious, but is, what she says, "very handsome in financial terms"--ie, I think it's thousands of dollars, which is quite incredible considering intellectual pursuits don't seem to be the most profitable on the planet.

I met Mary last year when she was lecturing at the University of Chicago, then saw her again briefly this year when she was lecturing at the Art Institute of Chicago, and will hopefully see her again when she returns to the University of Chicago this fall. She's not only a very successful writer and academic but is also a very nice person who's been encouraging to me and even agreed to write the Foreword to the anthology that I put together. And what's impressive is that she writes for an established newspaper and teaches at a prestigious university, but is very open to online writing and baby blogs such as mine :D

Isaac Wolfson, who set up the prize and foundation that gives financial rewards to various institutions and achievements, had an interesting life as well and was quite generous.

Cigar party

Here's some entertaining text from a real invitation to a party that I'm going to tonight. Note: I'm not a guy, and I don't smoke cigars, but the last time I went, I had a great time. It's just that if you see the text, you'd think it's just a guy thing (which it mostly is--I think I was one of only a few females last time). I've removed various words from the invitation to just feature the interesting highlights below, but I haven't included any ellipses to represent the missing words (...) because it'd look weird.

Tonight's the night, boys!!! Final reminder to get your butt over to Jimmy P's joint for the biggest and best Cigar Party yet!! We've got cigars and booze up the ying yang! We had about 110 guys in October, smokin', eatin', drinkin', golfin', tellin' jokes and carousing with the guys and all had a great time! We're doin' it again tonight!!

Note how they mistakenly say "ying" instead of "yin". Also note how often they omitted the "g" from those various verbs.

So I'll be leaving now, and expect to smell like smoke when I get back because in addition to all the cigars, they said there will be "fire pits blazing if needed!". I'm sure the party will have the same enthusiasm the invitation did :D

I almost got published in a newspaper

I've been writing online for a while, but I think writing for print is nifty too. So when someone from the Washington Post contacted me to contribute an opinion piece, I was psyched. They found my blog--I didn't have to approach them, which is cool because we often have to chase after opportunities. In fact, I had no idea that editors from such prestigious newspapers look online for contributors. I'm not going to lie: I still think it's a big deal when someone from the print media is interested in what I have to say (which is why I was happy when Mary Beard noticed my blog).

So I spent a bit of time writing a draft of an essay, and I even turned down some extra radio work to get it to the Post early, in case they wanted me to make changes. But then they told me that they weren't going to do the topic, and I was disappointed. They said that if I had an interesting idea, I should let them know, but for some reason, even though I'm quite opinionated, I can't think of anything that they might be interested in.

Maybe one day it will happen, but until then, I'll continue toiling in obscurity :D

The LA sun affected my blogging

I was going to do some posts from LA--I went there this past weekend and just got back. But the good weather there affected my ability to think enough to do any posts. I even brought my laptop and had access to other computers, but the sun was so strong, I just couldn't be serious enough to sit down and form decent sentences. I also really needed a vacation because I hadn't gone anywhere in well over a year, so my mind was pretty much turned off until I had to do work today.

Some folks out there who read this blog don't have to deal with winter, so you're probably wondering how sun can have such a debilitating effect on my brain. But we've had the worst winter here in Chicago: extreme snow, cold, wind, freeze, and no sun. Sure, the sun is out there, but we don't see it or feel it. So even though LA is "cool" (mid-60's fahrenheit) it's WAY better than Chicago at this time of year. So now I'm back in my usual grim reality, which only makes me want to write more.

Want to write, but afraid

I'm sure there are a handful of people out there who've been reading this blog for a while, and there were times in the past when I wanted to really whine about writing fiction, how hard and lonely it was, how I want to be published, etc. I posted such complaints here, but I really didn't let my true feelings show because I would've sounded really pitiful.

Well now that I've gotten some exposure as to why certain books sell and how they get media attention, thus sales and readers, I figured there really is no point in trying to write fiction anymore because I'll never get published.

But amazingly, I still want to! So what do I do? Write with the realization that it might never find an audience? Or just ignore the desire and move on?

It really hit me today, especially because I haven't written any fiction in a while: I really want to write it! And I have a good story (I've finished two novels, neither of which are marketable). So should I try? I don't know!

I've wanted to write something all day, and I didn't do anything, because I'm afraid that it will be more effort that will be "wasted"--ie, it won't become concrete, just more of the same dream. But I've really ignored that creative part of myself, so I should just do it.

Okay, rant over--I will most likely do it tomorrow, because I have to go to bed soon to wake up in the middle of the night for more radio enjoyment.

Interview with Jon Konrath

I said before that Jon Konrath's journal is gone, which I'm still bummed about, but I've found a good interview with him.

What's funny is that I've never met him and don't write the same type of stuff as he does, and may never even be published in his literary journal again (I had one essay published in #11). I'm not even his type of reader and have different interests, but his writing affected me, as well as his projects (which inspired me to do my own). But despite all the differences, he deserves a mention here.

I've also downloaded Dealer Wins, which is about his trips to Las Vegas, so at least I'll be enjoying that while I look for other folks to read online.

Transliterating thoughts

When I was in high school, I used to write notes to myself (about heartbreak, hopes, wishes, etc) in Hebrew (I studied it when I was a kid), except I would transliterate English words using Hebrew characters. It was convenient because no one could read my inner teenage turmoil.

Well today I wanted to remind myself to write about certain stuff in a short fiction piece I'm throwing together, but I didn't want anyone to understand (in case they took a peek), so I used Romanji (English letters) to write sloppy Japanese. Even if a Japanese speaker read it, they'd probably think, "Her Japanese grammar is awful". But it came in quite handy :D

Coming this summer

I've been working on compiling some bloggers' and emerging writers' stuff to create an anthology...so stay tuned (and I've changed my homepage as well). This is probably one of the most enjoyable projects I've worked on, and I can't wait to see how it will develop.

An overused phrase

It seems that commercial copy (advertising, marketing, etc) seems to often include the phrase "We work hard to ensure..." I think at this point, it's overused. People should think of other ways to communicate with potential clients and customers. When I see that phrase, it doesn't convince me that they're really working hard, it just shows that they're using a canned phrase because their writing hasn't loosened up and they don't know how to communicate with humans in a non-targeting way (the comma splice in this sentence was intentional, btw).

Who's buying fiction

The PIC (Publishing Industrial Complex) has become so consolidated (like radio), that they need to churn out blockbusters to make the profits they want. So obviously, the people who are buying those blockbusters are the general public, but it seems like the folks who buy the other kinds of fiction are writers or wannabe writers. I didn't really think too much about this until I saw all the books that are being featured at Karin Gillespie's blog. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I sort of "wish" the PIC wasn't so big. That way, they wouldn't be so impatient to only accept authors that are going to hit it out of the park the first time they're at bat.

Structure

The past few days have been quite translating- and radio-oriented, so I haven't been writing outside of work, but I did have time to see an interview with John Grisham. I've read a couple of his books, which were okay, but the bottom line is that he makes a ton of money from his writing, so he's obviously doing something right!

I didn't watch the whole interview, just the part where he talks about writing ("chapter 5"), and he said what a lot of people say: make an outline. But for some reason, even though I've heard that advice many times before (usually from blockbuster authors who create thrillers, mysteries, etc.), his emphasis was pretty convincing.

I think I haven't followed that advice because I'm not writing a thriller or anything like that, though I'm definitely not writing "literary" fiction, but I will probably create an outline because it makes sense.

When Grisham was working on his first book with an editor, he had to get rid of hundreds of pages and change the rest (which made me wonder how he got a publisher in the first place, and how it's "unfair" that he didn't write stellar stuff and still got into the Publishing Industrial Complex), which convinced him that an outline would reduce the amount of throw-away material.

So I've been reading about how three-act stories break down, and I feel more sane. I've written complete drafts, but I always have to go back and fix a lot of it or get rid of it altogether. I'm still tempted to write whatever and meander down a path, but I think structure will help keep me on track and finish something that might see the light of day one century.

I think I know what my problem is

I was working on my story [novel] today (which will probably not see the light of day, though I want it to eventually) and I realized that I really need to find my voice.

"Finding your voice" is an overused and vague phrase, and I used to not think it was as important as plot or other stuff, but now I've realized it is. I think I had that attitude because it sounded so fake: "find your voice." And it seemed impossible, and part of some requirement for writing like 100 years ago, when fiction didn't have to be so hyper-commercial to succeed.

But I've noticed in different creative mediums that people hit their stride when they find their voice, whether they're singers, painters, writers, musicians, radio talent, or anything that requires a person to dig deep within themselves to share their craft with the world. I've been able to spot and develop a voice in non-fiction writing, but for some reason, I didn't want to accept that I needed to hone it in fiction until I started feeling fake about what I was writing.

So today I worked on the story, and anytime I felt like I was being fake, I got to the "truth" by getting to my "voice". But the problem is, I still haven't settled on a voice, so I have to keep working at it.

Artropolis

I got a VIP pass to Artropolis to do some posts at an art blog, so that's what I've been writing. I'm quite tired because Artropolis has like five shows going at the same time, and each show has hundreds of booths. I've decided to focus on just a few shows, but I've still looked at thousands of pieces of art. But getting a VIP pass ain't bad, and I wouldn't mind doing it again for another show.

An interesting problem to have

I've never read any Harry Potter books, but I do know that JK Rowling has become very rich from writing them. I can see why she wants to sue a guy who wants to publish a book based on her creation, but if you're going to write such insanely popular books, you've gotta expect people to want to make something off them as well.

A lot of writers would love to make a fraction of the money she has, and many creative people are toiling in obscurity, and probably will continue that way until they die. So while her copyright is being threatened because she wants to protect her unique, hard work, this is an inevitable problem to have. Imagine being in such a position that all you care about is your copyright, and the money doesn't matter. She is worried about principles, and a lot of us out here are worried about getting our work noticed or even out of our drawers.

Life is pretty good when what you've strived for has been not only achieved but surpassed in a big way, and what you end up caring about are concepts of what creativity is, and what you are about. She's living in the abstract at this point because she can pay her bills many times over.

Busy having fun

I was going to post something here yesterday, but I had to teach and then I hung out with John Banas. I went there around 6 pm, so I figured I'd be back in time to do other stuff, including translating and posting stuff here. But I didn't leave until after 1 am, and since he lives two counties away from me, I didn't get home until after 2 in the morning.

But at least we got to talk about writing. He likes to write thrillers, I like to write non-thrillers. Right now I think I have a good enough idea to not want to discuss the details, even with him. Because, as "they" (whoever "they" is) say, if you talk about it, sometimes you won't write about it.

What's the point

I was planning on working on the novel tonight after Japanese class, but I started feeling quite sick, and am not even well enough to do a decent blog post right now. But I thought, "Who cares if you can't write--that novel is never going to get published! Why waste your time?"

When I write, I know I'm doing the right thing. But when I'm not writing, I wonder what's the point. The point is to create something, but it might never see the light of day.

[whining is over]

Writing again

I used to do "whoa is me" posts here about how difficult fiction writing was, and then I wrote a couple of novels (unpublished of course, which made me feel even worse). After I finished the second one last February, which I still feel is a great feat, I stopped writing fiction because I was focusing on whatever radio stuff I could string together.

Well I'm finishing up a very intense radio-producing (assistant) gig for the number one show at the number one station in Chicago, and I'm ready to write again. I guess my mind for the past several months has been wrapped around translating, teaching, and surviving in the dwindling radio biz (which is borderline dead-end because of syndication and consolidation), and now my mind is asking me, "Where have you been? You've got a good story to write!" So I've been re-reading a book I read a while ago about plot, and I do, indeed, have a good idea, which is a revision of what I finished last year.

So the bottom line is I'm back, and once I can resume normal waking hours (right now I wake up around 2 AM), I'm going to write even more.

AITPL posted

A while ago, I submitted an essay to Air in the Paragraph Line, and that issue has been posted. So now you can read about a bunch of us whining about work. Mine is about experiencing "the last straw", when I decided to quit pursuing a teaching career. Actually, since I wrote that essay, I found a good teaching situation at a city college with very nice students, a supportive administration, and nice coworkers. So I haven't totally quit teaching as I wanted to some years ago after working for a bunch of liars.

Writing contest

There's a writing contest in memory of my Metrofiction pal John Deaver, who passed away last year. Here's some of the info from an article that came out last week:

Since Steel Beam is once again producing "A Christmas Story," the board of directors wishes to honor the memory of John Deaver by creating a writing contest in his name: The John Deaver "A Christmas Story" Short Story/Memoir Contest.

Organizers are looking for your best literary short stories or memoirs about the winter holidays (Christmas, Kwanza, Hannukah, etc.) Winners will receive a cash honorarium, publication in a booklet printed by Steel Beam Theatre, five copies of the booklet, two complimentary tickets to "A Christmas Story" and the chance to read their story during a Steel Beam Theatre performance Nov. 23 to Dec. 23.

All stories should be no longer than the maximum length set forth below, and must be received by Nov. 1. Winners will be notified on or about Nov. 15.

You may submit your manuscript at www.SteelBeamTheatre.com, or a double-spaced, typewritten copy may be sent to Steel Beam Theatre, 111 W. Main Street, St. Charles, IL 60174.

Include the following information in the upper left hand corner: Division, Name, Address, Telephone numbers, e-mail address and word count.

Adults' word limit is 2,500 and the prize would be $100.

High school students' word limit is 2,000 and prize is $100.

Kids in grades 7/8 have a word limit of 500 and prize of $75. Grades 5/6 have a limit of 250 words and prize of $ 50. Grades 3/4 have a word limit of 100 and prize of $25.

All the info is here.

Actually, I did a post here about John's involvement with the Christmas Story a couple of years ago.

Why I'm crazy

While I was stuck in traffic today, it hit me: my mind has been collapsing upon itself because I have not used it to tackle any fiction. I haven't written fiction in more than a few months because I finished a novel and then had to write a good query letter, and kept thinking that once I finished the query, I'd send it off and then start a new novel. But I was stuck on trying to write a good query letter, and since I wasn't getting anywhere, I put it aside to do other stuff.

Usually, even if I have difficult stuff going on, fiction writing has made me feel great and has even made me feel overwhelmingly peaceful. And if I have seemingly unsolvable problems, at least I can use my problem-solving skills to create a story. When I first tried to write a novel, I was often stressed out and worried. But I got so used to writing so consistently, I started to enjoy the process. And now I feel like I'm crazy because months have passed and I haven't written anything. So even if I don't manage to write a decent query letter, I should write another novel.

I've heard of published authors talking about how great writing makes them feel, and if they have to do the non-writing stuff that's related to their profession, they get all frustrated because they're not writing. But they have that added incentive of editors and readers waiting for their work. But we unpublished folks just have to be rewarded by the feeling we get from writing. And I've really neglected it, so I feel awful. All the other stuff I've been worried about would've been greatly eased if only I'd taken the time during these past months to write fiction. And I would've had at least a first draft done!

Writing to cope

Yesterday I was working on a short fiction piece that is probably one of the weirdest things I've written (though it may not be weird enough), and I walked away from the computer very happy. Which means that I have to keep writing because when other stuff doesn't fall into place in life, writing sure does. Or at least the way I feel about it does.

I think my mistake has been to put all my eggs in one basket: whether it's a job or people or whatever. For some reason, I sometimes assume that things in the non-fiction world (ie, reality) will be enough, but then when I hit walls, instead of focusing on the obstacles, all I've got to do is write, and it's a nice option to real-life disappointments.

So the lesson I've learned is to keep pursuing creative projects because it makes life a lot more tolerable. Sort of like a backup plan: if there's no real-life adventure, then writing (or photos) can provide it.

Weird writing

I'm attempting to write something for Jon Konrath's crazy/weird-themed zine, based on situations I've seen both fictionally and realistically. I posted a comment that's related to the theme I'm writing about at someone's journal, and thought there'd be no reponse. But then much later, they *did* respond, saying that I was "weird", so I figured, hey, since someone said such a thought showed weirdness, it's a kind of confirmation, so I might as well try to write something I've been thinking about for a while. It's yet another "what if" that has led me to other fiction writing (that has yet to see the light of day). I've written part of it and plan on finishing it soon because I want plenty of time for the potential rejection or editing request (hope it's the latter).

Sounds vague, and there's a lot I'd like to write about it, but I can't.

Hookish enough?

Ok, I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who've whined about the writing process, and I'm not going to pretend I haven't. And this is my latest concern: I wonder if my story has enough of a hook. That's the important word, I guess, in the fiction biz: hook. I think what I wrote is something that women are going to be able to relate to, but it's not earth-shattering. So if there's no fancy hook, is a potential book doomed? Perhaps what I wrote is not hookish enough for the PIC (Publishing Industrial Complex). But I won't know until I polish my query letter and send it out. Then after 50 or so rejections, I will know, and will have to go back to the drawing (writing) board.

Good artist's statement

I know an artist who is having an upcoming show, and he shared his artist's statement with me today (I can't directly link to it because of how the site is set up--you have to go click on the "Statement" link at his site). What he wrote is quite good, especially this part:

The world I live in today is filled with the most amazing shapes and colors. For every dark there is a light, for every push there is a pull, for every contour there is a moment of silence. My goal is to recognize each of them with the respect that they deserve.

Sometimes I read artists' statements that sound fake and grandiose, where the artist is trying to sound important, serious, deep, etc., but he really means what he said. Actually, I know other artists who write what they mean, so it's not like I see phoniness everywhere, but then again, I tend to know artists who aren't full of themselves or who aren't posers. And not all artists are like that. But whatever--the statement (and the art) is worth a look.

I'm not prissy

I've been looking at examples of successful query letters, and they seem prissy. That's not me. I came upon an agent (who's not accepting any unsolicited queries, so I can't contact her anyway) and she posted an example of a "great" query at her site (which I don't want to link to because I don't want to slam anyone by name).

I read it over, and thought that it was wordy and prissy and silly and self-consciously "cute". But according to the agent, it's a winner, and the book ended up not only getting published, but sold as part of a series. Actually, I read the book, and the writing style was a lot tighter and more straightforward than the query. So based on that example and others I've seen, do we have to write prissy queries in order to get our straightforward books accepted?

And then there's the inevitable editing that happens: the prissy query I read didn't have the same plot as the finished book. Which means that the agent had the author rewrite it before submission to publishers. Which goes back to my usual complaint: why do we have to kill ourselves to write a "perfect" manuscript if it's going to get rewritten anyway?

I just want to write a straightforward query, not some fussy, girly words that are supposed to make the agent giggle in glee.

Need to write

Since I finished the novel, I've started working on another one (amazingly!) while looking for agents. I didn't write all weekend because I took the time off, but I shouldn't have because I'm at the point where I can not NOT write. This is a big deal because a lot of unpublished writers give up, or they want an incentive to write, but my incentive is that I enjoy it. Sure, I'd love to publish what I've written, but it's not the sole reason anymore.

I know people who tell me that they want to write a novel, and I give them a trite response: "then write it." But they think there's some magical feeling they should have. It takes discipline and commitment and a belief in the worthiness of the process. But people don't want to sit down and do it. Or they're scared because it's difficult (which it is) and it's hard work and requires people to let go and become something/someone that they might not usually be.

Done!

Ok--I reached my goal of finishing the novel today. I was supposed to meet Johnny B for lunch, but it was snowing so much, it would have been a very long trip up to the burbs, so we rescheduled for next week. But my goal was to finish the book by the time I met up with him today, and I still stuck to my goal. Which is a victory.

And now all I have to do is proofread it. I'm so used to it hanging over my head, it's strange to not have to write the story anymore. The story has been told! I just can't believe it--I started a while ago, did different drafts, trashed a lot of stuff, got into radio and put the novel aside for a while, and now it's done!

Besides proofreading it, I have to get a list of agents to contact and write a convincing query letter. There's a lot more work to be done and rejections to be received. But I'm still motivated, and am happy that I stuck to my goals and was disciplined and focused enough to write it. I see the fact that I worked on it despite the absence of any editor or agent waiting for it as an incredible feat--lots of people give up when there's no such external motivation.

One side note: the upside of work not being too busy or satisfying is the ability to think about and pursue writing--and my attitude towards it has changed. Because I took the time to write, it helped me appreciate the process. I have a lot more to say, but will save it for another time. I'm both elated and feel sort of odd that I've finally crossed the finish line.

Basho was lonely

I read that Basho, the Japanese poet, was quite lonely: "The more famous and wealthy Basho became, the more dissatisfied he was. He was lonely and depressed..."

And his writing reflected this as well:

I feel lonely as I gaze at the moon, I feel lonely as I think about myself, and I feel lonely as I ponder upon this wretched life of mine. I want to cry out that I am lonely, but no one asks me how I feel.

You'd think that even though he had hardships, all the students and fame and acquaintences would help his loneliness, but that wasn't the case. And he became successful from his writing, but it didn't seem to help. What was his deal?

The end is near

I am almost done with the novel I've been working on. The first draft took just a few months, which I was happy about because I've discovered that it's best to write something quickly instead of agonizing over stuff that will inevitably be revised again and again. I felt like I was being disciplined and responsible by getting that first draft out. But the problem was that I felt like it was fake, that it wasn't from the heart, so I put it aside and pursued other creative stuff. Then I observed some interactions between people and found out about some other people's experiences, and ended up wondering "what if...", which I incorporated into the story. So I got rid of the first draft and totally started over. It took a lot longer to do the second draft because I was involved in exciting work that sort of subdued my desire to write. But the desire came back strong, so I started working on the book again.

Now I really don't have a lot more to do--I see the end of the tunnel, which is driving me even more to finish it. I even have put off other stuff to do it, which isn't so responsible, but is still a breakthrough because this book might never get published, and that's not stopping me.

I actually don't feel the despair we unpublished writers usually feel but excitement that I've written something I'm pretty happy with that is going to be completed. Hopefully I'll remember that when I get the rejections.

Still writing

I was going to do a post here yesterday, but I totally forgot because I had to do some translations and when I finished those, I decided to work on a novel I've been revising. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm almost done, which means that this year, possibly even before winter ends or during the spring, I might be approaching agents for more rounds of rejections. But the difference between what I'm writing now and what I wrote before is that I really feel like the book I'm working on now is a lot better and something that more people (especially women, since the protagonist is a chick) will be able to relate to. I hope. If not, then I'm just going to move on to the next novel, which will be my third attempt. I already have an idea for one, and am ready to get going on it.

Why I keep pursuing fiction writing is a mystery to me because I've had no indications that I'm going to make it. I've gotten positive feedback here and for other non-fiction writing I've done for work, but not for fiction. But I really like writing it, so I have to remember that if I fail again, at least I've enjoyed doing it. That's all we can do, really, because if we don't enjoy it then it's all a waste of time.

Addicted to desire

I'm surprised there's no movie or book or short story or poem or whatever out there with the title "Addicted to Desire." I wouldn't write about it, but I'm surprised no one else has, really. I know that some people have written about the topic--sort of, but within the fiction world, it seems to be absent.

So I guess I'm offering a free bit of advice--it's a cool title.

Might not do it

I said that I was going to do Nanowrimo, and was making pretty good progress, until I came upon a story about a participant wearing a costume while writing in a store window. And then I wondered why I was doing it.

I have my own story that I have to finish editing. It's painful to go through it and work out all the problems and write new scenes and try to make it good. I don't want to be grown up about writing, I just want to have fun. But finishing rewriting a book will be more satisfying than writing thousands of words that aren't going anywhere.

I wish I hadn't read the interview with the costume-wearer, but it made me prioritize. I've been trying to figure out for the past several hours how to successfully digitize some vinyl I have, and am now tinkering with my third audio editing software. I'd rather successfully complete a podcast of digitized records than spend that time doing Nanowrimo, so I guess for now I'm not going to do it. I still have time to go back and resume that project, if I feel like I have to take a break from maturity.

Fiction is lying

I'm sure I'm not the first one to say this, and I don't have time to look it up right now, but sometimes writing fiction feels like lying. For instance, I started on this month's 50k-word project, and I wanted to start with a "what if" based on stuff I'd experienced, but realized if I continue along that path, then it wouldn't be fiction, so I started "lying." I know there are authors out there who've gotten big-time recognition for fiction that was just thinly veiled non-fiction, probably because they wanted to communicate a theme that was based on their seemingly interesting reality. Or it could be that they were too lazy to create fiction with the things they'd learned from their bizarre experiences. There's one local author who's of the more intellectual group, and when I read his stuff, I thought that there was nothing fictional about it--it was just a bunch of essays, posing as short stories and eventually as a loosely-constructed novel. But an agent saw his work in a literary fiction publication and was impressed, and they've milked the guy's background enough to make him into a name on the lit fic scene. It's one of those things that falls under the L.I.F. category (Life Isn't Fair).

Nanowrimo

I just re-registered at Nanowrimo, and I'm still trying to figure out why. I've done it a few times and have succeeded at writing 50 thousand words, and after I "won" last year, I thought that was it: time to move on and grow up. But tomorrow is November, and I guess I've gotten into the habit of doing it.

It's fun--no need to worry about plot or anything constructive. You just thoughtlessly write and write until you hit the 50k mark. And after a while, you realize that putting out all those words is not a big deal. The big deal is finishing something that the industry wants. That's a real feat.

Untying knots

Time for some whining: I did a draft of a novel, then rewrote it, and now I have to comb through it for problems, and have realized that although it's fun to write a draft, it's painful to try to whip it into better shape. This is one of those times that I have to keep myself from falling into despair because I'm pursuing something that is difficult and solitary. It's one of those times when I think, "I wish I knew someone in the business who is waiting for or wants something that I'm writing," because I have to dig myself out of some problems, and I need some solid and constructive help that is going to have concrete results, because I'm having a hard time working by myself in this orbit out in the wannabe universe.

Right now, I'm looking at the "scenes" that I've written, and see that it was fun to write the drama and conflict, but the problem is that they're not in order, or there are clumps of scenes that are in order, and then the next clump should go elsewhere. So now I have to untie the plot knots that I've created--I've literally gone through part of the draft and have numbered scenes in the order that I think they should go and have written notes to myself where I think a scene should be created and inserted.

In other industries, you're either already working within an organization or know someone who is, so all you have to do is contact them if you need some help. But in the impossible fiction-writing world, the established/successful writers and/or editors and/or agents and whoever else is in the biz don't want to deal with you unless you're already in the system. And even then, they may not even want to talk to you because they have their own impossible dreams to fulfill in the ever-shrinking scene as they compete for readers and consumers. And besides, they have thousands of hopefuls clanging the gates around their moats, so why the heck would they want to deal with any peons?

Interactive fiction

I used to think I'd become quite nerdy, but since I've never heard of Interactive Fiction before, I think I'm still on the non-nerd side.

Interactive fiction (IF) is a broad term. Strictly speaking, interactive fiction is anything in which you influence the outcome of a story, like continuous stories you can add to or those old "Choose Your Own Adventure" books with their branching stories. But there is a more specialized meaning of interactive fiction...computer adventure games.

The first computer game was created more than 20 years ago. That means that folks who played them were really ahead of the rest of civilization since personal computers were in their infancy. Some of those guys have been playing for all those years--which means they are uber-nerds.

In general, computer adventure games are computer programs which tell you a story. In them you play a character in the story, and you move the story along through your actions. In many pieces of IF you have to solve puzzles to keep the story going, puzzles like "How do I open the locked door?" or "How can I get the bridle off the alpaca so I can return it to Barry?" In some games you also have to interact with non-player characters (NPCs) to keep the plot unfolding.

Because IF involves storytelling and puzzle-solving, it tends to emphasize thought over action...

So people using their minds to play games? Doesn't sound like they'd hang around MySpace too much. They've probably written the code for something that's way beyond it. Or they taught the founder of MySpace how to do it--while simultaneously writing the latest Mensa test.

IF comes in two flavors: graphic and text. Text adventures came first. Playing them is like reading a book in which you have to type commands to tell the protagonist what to do...Graphic adventures tell their stories through pictures rather than words.

There's an IF archive for text adventures. I tried going there, but it requires more brain power than I have room for.

Blogs matter

Sometimes I hear writers from the MSM talk about blogs, as if they're some silly cultural phenomenon that they have to tolerate. Some think it's quaint that people want to write in their blogs, but I don't think they understand the importance of them.

First of all, we can't all be paid columnists for the shrinking print media, but we like to write. Are we supposed to wait around for someone to approve of us before we communicate with the world? Sure, we don't have the thousands of readers the print media columnists have, but we're communicating with the outside world.

I wonder if those columnists would blog if they didn't have their columns. It's easier to keep writing when you have a paycheck coming and have readers' emails and letters and editors' opinions to bounce off of, but those bloggers who don't have many commenters or emails from readers (such as me) are motivated to write, because we like to write and communicate.

What's weird is when columnists decide to set up a blog after they've had an established column. It's like they're looking at the trends, and they're thinking, "Whoa--all those youngsters are blogging, I should too." It borders on being fake and insincere, because I think they're "settling" with it, because they might as well join the commoners rather than fight against the uprising.

Blogs take the expressive and creative power away from the few folks who used to be given the platform to speak out. Only a handful of blogs have huge readerships, but at least we no longer have to wait for someone to speak to us, and we can interact with the writers. Before, if you wanted to communicate with the columnist, you'd be lucky if they even read your letter. Now we can go to a blog, leave a comment, and know that it's being read by at least a few people. And chances are the blogger will respond.

I guess it's a kind of virtual cafe where the intelligentsia are allowed to congregate away from the MSM Tower.

Almost there

Last year, before Nanowrimo, I wrote 40,000 words of a novel that's more mainstream than my previous [unpublished] one. Then I put it aside to write 50,000 words for Nanowrimo, and after that, I took a break from writing fiction because stuff was developing on the radio front.

Then I resumed the novel a few months ago, and decided to totally rewrite it. I would've finished the rewrite sooner, but my radio life was crazy, and then my friend John died. So I resumed writing this week, and I'm almost at the 40k mark again--just a couple of days away. And that's 40,000 words of fresh stuff--pure rewrite.

I want to wait until I get to 45,000 words to print out the draft, but I'm running out of steam. The problem is that the story is out, but I have to deal with the annoying details. I don't want to dig that deep--I just want to do general stuff and move on. But I can't. And the worst part of it is that there is no one in the biz who's expecting it--I'm just going to be one of those idiotic, naive hopefuls that's going to be sending out query letters. And I can't do that until I create a decent draft.

This is one of those times when I would email John and he would email back some interesting advice or tidbits from his own writing. But he's gone for good! I can't believe it!

So I'm bummed because of his absence from this world, having writer's block, and the fact that I'm not a published writer. I'm still a wannabe.

Writing resuming

I was really worn out from writing, so I took a long weekend off. I also had a weird work schedule and cold, which didn't help. But now my schedule has been altered, which means more writing time here and for the novel that is close to being finished. I can wrap it up within a couple of weeks or less. Then it's more editing and query letters that will invite more rejections. But hey, at least I won't be on my death bed thinking "If only I'd tried..."

Productively crazy

I've written more than 35,000 words of fiction, which is a rewrite of a 45,000-word story I did last fall. I'm happy about my progress, but I'm becoming manically insane. I'm so obsessed with struggling through the story that I'm drained and over-emotional. It's not even a deep story, but trying to work through the protagonist's emotions and struggles with other characters makes my non-writing life imbalanced.

Yesterday I could barely write--I was so tired and drained, and even when I crossed the 35k mark, I was too wiped out to be happy. I'm fighting a battle where there might not be any victory (first with plot and character, then trying to get published). Also, because I'm trying to make my way in the very competitive radio scene, it's extra energy that I have to exert. So I'm constantly striving, all the time, trying to run the creative race with no guarantee of winning.

Bottom line: it's all exhilarating, but exhausting.

Writing raw

Here's some raw emotion from Jon Konrath, writer and great blogger:

I have been incredibly depressed as this book nears completion, mostly because I am almost certain in my mind that nobody will buy it, read it, or even understand why I would do it...The reason I am doing this is not so I can be the next Dan Brown. I don't expect every Oprah-watching housewife in middle america to rush out and buy my book... So f@#% all of you for not buying my other books, and I don't care if you buy any of the new ones...If you don't like it, you're always welcome to to buy the latest plagarized, fictionalized, non-fiction book from Oprah's list and act like you're smart.

Okay, why do I keep writing about fiction writing? Because it's hard. A lot of things are hard, but to write and have no one care about it is disheartening. I'm not at that point--I'm progressing well as I complete a book, but sometimes I want to raise the middle finger to the world. Not just about writing, but about difficult pursuits and struggles.

I am actually quite psyched about creative victories having to do with plot and characters, but right now, they're just mine. For me to publically chronicle the creative writing strides I'm making would be like making people watch paint dry on a brick wall.

Really 20k

In under a month, I have written 20,000 words of fiction. And those are original, unlike the Harvard liar who copied others' work.

A while ago, I was in a writing group, and some of the members criticized me for not reading fiction while writing fiction. I told them that I don't want to be influenced by someone else's style or words, and I still believe that. I want to get my cues from experiences and conversations and other people's lives, not what authors publish.

I'm sure I'm not alone in being disgusted that the publisher was too lazy to check that teenager's work to make sure it was truly her own. And of course, the rest of us are out here working earnestly and diligently to create original words, but the PIC (Publishing Industrial Complex) could care less.

Another example of L.I.F. (Life Isn't Fair)

Fiction is unfair

This could be an ongoing series: "How Fiction is Unfair," Parts I-X, but I don't want to always whine here about it. But I'm mentioning it today because I just saw an example (not from my own experience) of how the road to being published is difficult, which makes the overall fiction process seemingly unfair (and part of the larger category of L.I.F.--Life isn't Fair).

I'm not going to mention any names, but it's true: unless you're Madonna or Oprah or some other superstar, it doesn't matter if you have contacts in the publishing or agent world--it doesn't guarantee that you will get published, let alone seriously considered. It happened to me a couple of times, and it just happened to someone else. They contacted an agent of a successful writer, and they were even referred by that successful writer, but the agent wasn't interested.

If you are considering writing fiction, this is what is required: you have to complete the entire book (unlike non-fiction, where you need an outline, a marketing plan, and a few chapters). Yes, there are some lucky fiction writers who've gotten a deal from a partial manuscript or even a summary, but that's not common.

And you can't just do one draft and then contact an agent (though a few talented people do)--you have to do several drafts. That means working alone, wondering if anyone will ever be interested, and wondering if what you're doing is a waste of time.

Actually, writing isn't a waste of time. Sure, I've written a lot and I'm not yet published, but it's been both enjoyable and challenging. But what's difficult about it is that you could be working in isolation your whole life, and your words will just disappear into the ether. You might have a writing group, but you may never find a larger audience with whom you want to share your creation.

One of the satisfying aspects is writing is knowing that others are receiving it. But writing fiction is sometimes like writing in a cave, where the only response is the echo of your struggle to convey your vision.

I don't know if the person who experienced the recent disappointment feels the same way, but I wouldn't be surprised if other people have had the same experience I have: you train (through classes, writing exercises, writing groups, and reading) and write to the best of your ability to create something (sweating over the words and doing rewrites). You have no editor, no one in the business to let you know if what you're doing is acceptable. You just hope that all the time and energy you've spent will lead to tangible results. But you have no idea if you will see any fruits of your labor, because no one will let you know, except for other hopeful (even misguided) unpublished writers.

And then you get rejected. Not only do you get rejected on what you've created, but they have no interest in anything else you will write. You could say, "I'm working on X now," but they won't care, because they've deemed all your current and potential work as unacceptable.

I haven't been rejected lately, though I might be, because I submitted something somewhere. But at least I've got other things going, including some non-fiction projects, which are satisfying because there is an end to my work--I can see the results. But it doesn't mean that I'm going to give up writing fiction, because it taps into a part of myself that doesn't find an outlet elsewhere, even though teaching is still a creative endeavor.

I just know that whenever I see someone else work diligently, honestly, consistently, and responsibly and then they're shot down, I can relate.

Arthur is done

The day has arrived when Arthur Chrenkoff will no longer post to his blog.

I mentioned it last month, and I'm bummed out about it again. He is an excellent writer and intelligent thinker (see his explanation of Post-Totalitarian Stress Disorder). It's a shame that he didn't end up in the print media anywhere. If I ran the world, he would be given a well-paid job as a columnist and commentator.

I wish I could name some people who are in those positions and don't deserve them, but I may meet them one day and I don't want to get into trouble. Actually, I have seen a columnist a couple of times in a cafe, sitting right next to me, and I wanted to ask how the heck they got their vapid words published in one of the nation's top newspapers, but I just accepted it as another example of L.I.F. (Life Isn't Fair).

He writes better than most native English speakers, but he didn't know much English when he emigrated to Australia from Poland:

I came to Australia seventeen years ago, knowing maybe 50 English words. I did not expect any "Polish focused" institutions to keep me in a linguistic ghetto; I wanted to learn the language of the land so I could make the most of the opportunities that Australia could offer me. It's the love of books that got me where I am. I'm looking now at an old notebook, where I wrote down all the words that were new to me together with their translation and phonetic pronunciation.

Hopefully he'll keep his archives up at his blog and his Metrofiction page.

Karin rules

Karin Gillespie deserves a special mention here because of her great blog about writing and marketing, and the incredible care she has for people. I think she is the most generous writer on the web. I've never seen anyone who is willing to offer so much information, respond to every comment and every email, and maintain a consistently friendly, warm tone in her writing.

She wrote Bet Your Bottom Dollar, which is a fictional story set in the South, and has written another novel that is going to be released this summer. She's also finished writing a couple more novels, on top of doing a column, a promotional tour, marketing, networking, and posting to her blog every day! I don't know how she does it all, while maintaining a good attitude.

People like her are so rare, especially those who've been able to work in their dream vocation, because usually the success goes to their head or they're too busy to notice the humanity around them. If I had any kind of "important position," I'd help her out in some way, but all I can do is let people know that she exists.

Encouraging advice

Someone sent me some advice from Richard Lindberg, who's a successful author. This is the most encouraging writing advice I've ever read. Usually writers say obvious things, such as "write every day" (duh) or "writers write" (duh) or "write a good query letter" (duh). Sometimes it sounds as if they're just doling out the advice to market themselves.

But Lindberg has specific, caring advice, and shares his own struggles. He also uses intelligent language without being condescending, unlike other writers who are like, "I've made it, okay? Now after I throw a few crumbs down to you, leave me alone. And don't even think about becoming successful like me. Just follow this paltry advice, and buy my books."

Lindberg says that getting published "all hinges on what the author is willing to accept, and how far down that path of travail he or she is willing to journey...never lose hope and do not become blind-sided by Nay Sayers, skeptical book agents or apathetic publishers."

He also says what other authors don't: "Personally, I would not recommend an agent for the first time author. Agents hate unsolicited manuscripts from unpublished authors. Hate them!" Sure, there are exceptions, but usually first-time authors are all giddy, telling you that you need to do what they did, and you'll be fine. And buy their books.

To access his full essay, you'll have to go to his site and click on "Advice to Writers." It really helped me get out of the self-loathing slump I was in.

What passion?

Let me describe a scenario that I think will never happen.

Let's say one of the blockbuster authors, such as John Grisham, decided to get rid of his agent, and was looking for another. So he submits a query letter or a story idea to some agents. Do you think he would get a form letter that said, "I'm just not passionate about this." I think when it comes to beaucoup bucks, the passion of agents and editors changes.